Monday, May 2, 2011

The Talk

For months, and I mean months, M. and I have procrastinated about having The Talk. Mostly due to fear. Fear of the hurt it would cause us. Fear of the hurt it would cause our kids, who of course had some sense of what was going on. But it finally came to a point where not telling them might cause more damage than  telling them.

They have known that  for months now daddy doesn't sleep at home. But in the beginning M. was coming home so early in the am and leaving so late at night, it was barely noticeable. But since M. and I have become more comfortable with the seperation it has become more definitive. The boundaries are slowly becoming clearer. The kids had to be told.

So, after a couple hours of post-school soccer, with the sun shining and the birds chirping outside. Sitting around our ikea dinner table with my nana Kitty's china laden with whole wheat tortilla wraps (avocado, pepper, red onion, tomato, carrot ribbon and cream cheese wraps)  and fruit salad (mango, banana and strawberry), I dove right in.

"Hey, guys, you've noticed how dad is staying at Uncle Johnny's right?", they nod, munching away, "Well, it's because daddy and I want some space from each other. We still love each other", M. joins the table and adds a few thoughts. And it goes on. We say "we will always love each other and we will always be a family."Ez giggles. We ask why. He says, "because I already knew that of course." A few minutes later, after more rambling from us. Ez asks to be excused. So he can play. We ask him to tell us first how he feels. "Wierd. I dunno." he says. Henry says he wishes we could all live together.

It is not your fault.
We will always be a family.
Every family is different.
We love each other.
We love you.
Daddy misses sleeping in the same house with you. It makes him a little sad. But he is not terribly sad      (this especially for Henry, our worrier)
We are doing this so we won't fight and be very unhappy.
It is not your fault.
You can always call daddy.
We will still do family things together.
This summer you can camp at Uncle Johnny's with daddy.
You can talk to us anytime about this.
We love you.

Now I am part relieved. Part waiting for the fallout.


Jennifer said...

Hi Kelly,
Just popping out of Lurker World to let you know I'm thinking about you. So sorry about the separation but you are a WONDERFUL lady and mom--stay strong!!!!


Kelita said...


Laura L. said...

Sending love to you and your whole (slightly reconfigured) family.

Denise said...

This made my eyes mist up - so from the heart -so real and I can "feel" you (since I'm in the parent club too)
I admire you both and sending good vibes and a prayer for courage and most of all lots of love to continue guiding you.

Michaela said...

Hang in there, Kelly. You and Matt are both wonderful parents, no matter the configuration, and you have all of our love and support. Love you! xo

K8teebug said...

Sending you all the best thoughts (and regards). Glad to hear the kids took the initial conversation well.


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