A list of some things to do when you are trying not to be depressed.

1. Get a physical. For real. Having a doctor tell you that you do not have cancer and in fact you are perfectly healthy can bring your mood up for awhile. That is unless you find out you are sick. But then at least you figured that out and can get proactive.

2. Learn something new. I bought a ukelele and in a few weeks am going to be playing and singing with my friend at her art opening. We are trying to come up with a name for our duo. Let me know if you have any ideas...Next: banjo and lessons.

3. Eat healthy and get moving. Shove vegetables and healthy grains into your system. This will counteract all of the chocolate and coffee. Dance or do something active. that one is obvious and not always easy but it truly helps.

4. Get spiritual.  There is nothing like the wisdom of Buddha, Thich Nhat Han,  Pema Chodron or the Toltecs to get you to see where you should send your energy.  Burning candles, yoga and baths can be rejuvinating.

5. Be gentle with yourself. Listen to the negative things you say to yourself, such as, "I will always be alone." or  "Something must be wrong with me.", "I have failed my children. I suck."or the absolute worst, "LOOK AT MY THIGHS, HOLY COW", etc... When you say those things you are just sending more negative energy to yourself. It is a form of punishment. Is it fair to punish yourself over and over for the same thing? NO.

6. Help someone else. Donate to a good cause. Spend some time with an elderly person who is lonely. Tutor someone. Babysit for a a friend who needs a night out with her husband. It will put things in perspective in a good way. Okay except for that last one. 

7. Wallow and then move on. Wallow and then move on. Repeat. Allow yourself time to cry. Have an ice pack ready in the morning so you can open your eyes. And then do something useful, like feeding your kids breakfast. Later, have a good cry again. and then do the dishes. Reward yourself with that accomplishment by having another good cry. And then get back to the real world again and kick  that lit. review in the arse.

8. Listen to something that makes you oh so happy.

from lemons comes curd

As I was inspecting Henry's winter coat for signs indicating immediate laundering turning his pockets inside out and throwing away tissues, a broken nerf bullet and a crumpled clue from a birthday treasure hunt, it occurred to me that avoiding this blog because my life has been so difficult might be a bit silly. It is true that on some days I am too busy to write or think about the blog; papers, preschool, my own children demand so much of my time. But I have also been avoiding it because Matty moved out in October. And it is a topic so painful and personal. Then I realized that most people who read this blog know about it. And while I am not about to turn my blog into The  Diary of a Woebegone Woman, I can use it to write about what is helping us through this painful time.

Marriage is complicated. Matt and I still love each other and we intend to work through this together and come out  happier individuals in the end, whether we are Together or Not. Which is why we have been doing this slowly. Which is why our kids do not even know. And why we are trying to be good friends to each other. But I don't always see things this clearly. Sometimes it all seems just sad and confusing. We have spent nearly half our lives together. Who am I without Matt?

As you can probably tell, today is a good day. Possibly because the sun is shining and I have the day off tomorrow. Possibly because I slept less fitfully last night. Possibly because I burned so much sage and lit so many candles while I took a bath at 2 in the afternoon that I am experiencing a chemical high that one only experiences after breathing in sage and candles and listening to a favorite bluegrass pandora station so loud that the neighbors think you are having a spiritual hoedown.

So I am trying to be gentle with myself and Matt. Not selfish or indulgent. But gentle. Which means forgiving and kind.  And maybe it means buying sage smudge sticks in bulk.

For Japan with Love

And grateful that Kaori and her family are safe.


http://forjapanwithlove.com/ 

adele-love

Henry was sick this week. He missed a day and a half of school. And we enjoyed extra cuddle time. One afternoon, we laid in bed together chatting and listening to Adele's new album and I couldn't resist showing him this super cool video.

I love this painting

By Chelsea James
In fact, I love all of her paintings and wish I could buy one or even a print. Someday. The mistiness of this one, and the fact that it is an aerial view of a rural landscape that is abstracted if you just glance at it without a thought, really attracts me.