I 'm every woman, It's all in meeeeee

To keep it brief, I will list some of the common side affects I experience when I am about to speak to a large group of people as myself and not Tzeitel or the chef from Cinderella (yes, I really had that important part). 

dry right eye

numb left arm

shaking all over like bunny rabbit

paranoia

plus all the other things, like racing heart beat, dry mouth etc.

So at this meeting, I was prepared with a typed statement and question. Holding a vial of Rosies ashes in one hand I threw my other hand in the air after two people had spoken. I sort of tricked myself. And half of me (the naughty half that doesn't want me to do these scary things and whispers negative things like"Kelly you will trip, shite your pants, look silly, stumble over your words, KELLY YOU WILL FAIL", that part of me was a bit angry that my hand flew up. Cuz now I had no choice.  The other part of me took control. I walked nearly gracefully to the microphone in the auditorium. I cleared my throat. I told them my name and where I lived. I looked at everyone and I did not have to stare at my typed sheet. I had spent all afternoon revising it. I even ad- libbed a bit. I paused here and there. I listened to myself and I had to admit, that I had a nice voice. And honestly, I sounded like I knew what was talking about. After a few seconds even my shaking hands, shook a bit less. At one point I almost started crying. I paused and continued. As dad always told me, in the words of that baseball legend whose name eludes me, I endeavored  to persevere.  When I was done. Applause. Now the negative part of me wants to insert here that other people garnered applause too and maybe they just thought I was sort of cute.  But I will go no further with those nasty thoughts. I deserved it. It felt good. When it was over. 

Thanks for your support.