Friday, September 4, 2009

the proverbial calm before the storm...


I think I even look a little worried in this photo, or angry?

The house is quiet; all I can hear is a fan, the fish tank and these keys. The house is clean and it smells a bit like Pine Cleaner, which Matt is inexplicably obsessed with (but there are worse things to deal with in a marriage I suppose). Both boys are in school. And I am not feeling guilty about being at home while my 4 yr. old is in preschool/daycare, thanks to Emily, who I had a fabulous time with last night at Amherst coffee. And Emily, I hope I let you get a word in edgewise. That was fun.

Preschool does not start for another week due to a crisis in the director's family. This means that my first week of classes will not coincide with my first week back to teaching. I feel for my director but I am still a selfish human being.

And so I am treating my blog a bit like a journal at this moment, to try and express what is going through my semi-neurotic mind right now as I embark on this next Chapter, this Non-Baby-Mommy-centric Chapter of my life, although I am still not sure if that is possible. Won't my babies always be the center? Yikes, I don't know. I feel like they will and they won't, or shouldn't or can't? But I guess that 7 and 4 is not "baby" anymore. I repeat, yikes.

I am oddly scared of dirty dishes in my sink at 8 pm. I am scared that I will forget that Henry has an I.E.P , and I will forget to keep track of how he is doing at school (while I study Special Education). I worry that I will blink and Ezra's big round, soft, and doughy cheeks (yes, Emily you understand what I mean) will disappear and be replaced by a chiseled jaw and the fuzz of a tween boy. Just yesterday, he gently (as gently as Ezra can express anything), informed me that I was "wasting" kisses on him. I worry that I will show up to class naked or I won't show up at all until the end of the semester and oops, I'll fail. I worry that Matty will feed the kids too much mac n cheese. Do I need a back pack or a messenger bag? I worry about that. They all seem expensive or dorky looking or not sturdy. I am scared of missing out on the evening time that Matt and I share when the kids are in bed. The time when we watch Battlestar Gallactica or True Blood or The Wire (damn we watch too much tv, maybe) while eating "very healthy" snacks.

I am not worried that I will be bored.

I promise to try and stop worrying. And exercise more and try to take my vitamins. That should appease my moms.

Peace out.

P.S
Stress reliever tip-(thanks to Angry Chicken for introducing me) - uke covers, especially this one and this one (Roxette!!!hello 9th grade) by Tim Koch and don't miss his Rocket Man, the boys (huge Elton fans) wouldn't forgive me if I left it out Rocket Man


5 comments:

Galadriel Chilton said...

For this storm, I wish you a fantastic pair of funky rain boots and a Mary Poppin's umbrella, not to mention plenty of sunny days despite the feelings/worry of impending thunder claps. Hugs and good luck!

Emily said...

I had so much fun too! Did I let *you* get a word in edgewise? I probably could have stayed for another hour, but the Hazel babe necessitated my departure. I know you are about to become super busy, but if you ever want a ginger beer/decaf latte evening outing, just say the word. I'm so there.

xoxxo e

Kelita said...

You let me run at the mouth, for sure. I feel bad because I somehow still don't know what your hubby does for a living. I know I am going to need to unwind again soon. I will most def. call you.

xoxoxo
k

Kelita said...

Thanks G, for the wishes. It helps to know I have a small cheering squad out there...

Emily said...

i feel like we could talk for hours and hours, which is why i'm sure we are meant to be friends.

def call me when you need some down time. k?

xo e

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