Tuesday, January 29, 2008

robots and rose

Sometimes I think of Rose watching me. I imagine her watching me nurse Ezra to sleep and I can just imagine her saying" Kelly, girl, what are you doing? You are running yourself ragged. Take care of yourself and get yourself that damn crimson, carved ring made of bone that you have been eying for months. Get yourself a bar of organic chocolate. Stop nursing that nearly adult son of yours at night. It's okay if he cries. "

Then I think of the first time I got a little annnoyed with her. Henry was just learning to walk. I was a wreck. So sleep deprived that I spent nearly two hours of every morning cross eyed. No Joke. I was hovering around him every waking second of his day. God forbid he should fall. Rose gently told me, or maybe not so gently, that I was acting crazy. I should lighten up, relax. I am sure she wasn't the only one thinking that. But I was annoyed. What she didn't know is that most brand new mothers
(esp. those who are more on the sen.emotive side and less on the rational side of the spectrum, or maybe that is totally irrelevent) anyway most new mothers hover and are nervous. You can do almost nothing about it. If you badger them they will become more nervous or worse. They may flip-flop between extreme nervousness, guilt and intense questionging. In short , they will have a new worry. They will now worry about the inevitable tumble and the fact that they are possibly making their child neurotic like themselves. I forgave Rose almost instantly. I knew she couldn't understand. By then, I knew she would have no child of her own body and she had chosen early not to adopt, although I still thought she might possibly change her mind.

Matty made cool robots with the boys. He is very proud of them. I am too. Recycled material robot-making is not necessarily a talent among most of the doctoral students we keep company with. Be sure to compliment him.

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